(no subject)

ok so i was pregnant a few years ago but i lost the baby and even though it was probably be for the best because i was young and wouldnt have been able to cope to well, but i stil mourn for it and now i think im pregnant again nd to be honest i hope im not because im only 18 and not ready for all that just yet but im scared to death that ill loose it again if i am because i realy dont believe in abortion and i just hope that if i am itll be ok but at the same time i hope im not, my heads just so messed up!

(no subject)

fuck it im pissed im gonna vent

about me
Name: lucinda
Age: 18
Location: england
ED Type: Anorexia ocasional binger and bulimia
Diagnosed? no
ED Time Period: 4 years
Height: 5’9''
Current Weight: 121 lbs.
BMI: 17.9
Lowest Weight: 119 lbs.
Highest Weight: 147 lbs.
Goal Weight(s): 115bs.
Additional Information:  im in my second year at sixth form studying for 4 alevels, english language, media, drama and theatre studies, i play for the school netball and field hockey team

what i think triggered my ed

when i was about 13/14 my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and i can remember having to go round to my grandmars to tell her and they were in the middle of tea, and my uncle put down his knife and fork and said i cant eat anymore, and thats 1 of the things i remember the most from that day.

i was also always bullied for my weight aswell.

one of my dad symtons of being ill is being sick all the time, so wed have a meal and he would just be sick, hed usually make it to the bathroom but not always and i would always clean it up for him.

me and my dad would also go out together alot, like to football and that and he would always be sick, and he would say dont tell ur mum or sister and i wouldnt cos hed be so embarased. one time he was sick when we was in the stands and i heard some1 comment 'o hes just pissed up' and i wanted to say 'actually hes realy sick, hes gt fucking cancer'

so now sometimes he wont eat incase hes sick in public so i wont eat. and i asosiate food with awfullness.

hes now an alcaholic and he can get very violent, not physically but he shouts at the world alot, mainly at me though cos my mum will go out and my sister is at uni so its alot of preasure. and everynight i say please dad please dont have a drink tonight for me dont, and you go down and hes sat on the sette pissed up........again. u feel like fuck why doesnt he love me enough not to get like this. and i have to help him up even though hes like 18 stone and try and get him to bed without waking the house and i have to pull the bottle out of his hand even though hes calling me names like 'bitch' 'cow' 'cunt' and screaming in my ears and swearing and everything else. and then i put the bottle in the bin and see all the empty ones already there. and in the morning when he sobers up hell say heres a tenner dont tell ur mum, i never take the money and i never tell my mum cos i know she already knows.

my friends dont even know hes sick, i dont tell any1 i dont bitch to my friends about my life and yet they constantly do it to me, weightless dolls is my only way to vent, but when 'trolls' comment on your posts it makes u feel bad an juged and i hate it.

and thats me

Writer's Block: Spoilers Below the Cut

Have you ever ruined the ending or given away plot developments in a book, movie, or tv show by telling someone who hasn't seen or read it what happens? Has anyone ever done this to you?

some1 ruind the end off high school musical 3 and i was well annoyed and i hate when people ruin my csi or law and order!!!!!!!!

im such a geek for it xx